Feeling Old

Went running last Tuesday with Ben. Tim was on the bike. I would love to write that I ran at such pace that neither of the boys could keep up. However I do realize that such fantasies are actually good for me! It somehow gives me the motivation to continue - the hope that my next run will be more or better.

Was I happy with that run? I was both disappointed and happy. Disappointed because I still cannot breach the 1 km mark. Happy because my knees are holding up. Disappointed because I have not lost any weight. Happy because I have an activity that I can sweat and at the same time retreat from the constant echo of uncompleted office assignments.

I also come to realize, after the last run, how clumsy I have become. Sitting in a car, doing mostly administrative work has lulled me into a sense of time freeze. I only remember myself as when I was much younger and more agile. That run brought reality back in.

I never used to be introspective over my physical being. When I was much younger, introspection was focused mainly on my failures - be it situational or emotional. Now I am very aware of my physical being. I am becoming like my mom - thick skin. I am no longer shy of what others think of me.

Aging is strange. It makes one feel old. Yet in this aging, I feel more aware of many things I never realize as important. I wonder what I will be saying in 5 years time.